somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
