Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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