yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
