I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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