Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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