If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
