I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
