I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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