jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Even my vagina gasped.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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