the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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