On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
