ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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