I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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