You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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