On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
