If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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