Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
