i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
