the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
