You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
