He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
