found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
