my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
