She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
