Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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