apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize