SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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