Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
