Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
