The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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