I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
