please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
