i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
