Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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