When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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