YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
