i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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