whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
