4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
