Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
