He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
