I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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