everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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