I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
