He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
