Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
