I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
