Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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