so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
