That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
