i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
