Sponge bath it is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
