I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
