I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
