I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
