I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
