White coat. Heels.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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