How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
