believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
