i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize