Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
