At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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