How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
