What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize