so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
