my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
