He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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