and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
