Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
