I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
